I'm gonna be a little gender biased in my opinion and advice here.
When a man eventually has to tell a woman about a negative sexual information she listens to it, takes it in, simplyfies the info with pro and cons. This happens almost instantly for some women. However, infatuation is a tricky thing for some men and women in their relations with each other. While in the ambivalence phase, the herpes free person can think 'well, I'll have sex with this person with a condom or on the non-contagious period until I figure out whether or not I have a problem with it. Not right. Since, I'm the female and having herpes - I want to know if that person has what it takes to understand it all. First of all, for the majority of human beings in our civilization, the non-herpes person lives without herpes by sheer luck. They weren't chosen by god; they didn't contract it because somehow they are special or have better character or morals. But substitute many others conditions (i.e. level of wealth) and still that person usually has an entitlement over their stroke of luck. I, myself, am only proud of the things that I've earned with sweat. I've always been better and ordinary looking in terms of appearance. However, that too is something I was born with. I did nothing special to earn that so I cannot take pride in it. Most people have a special sense of entitlement over luck. Which makes them judge others for having herpes. Gee, they must've done something to deserve that; or they're stupid for catching it. Or much much worse.."she must've been a whore when she acquired." And let me tell you there are a million things wrong with that assumption." And if a women is actually indeed a whore what does that mean? What does that truly mean? Whether a whore professionally or psychologically that in itself is luck too. Peple have the most god awful ideas about why women sleep around. It isn't because they want to. At some point they lost their identity, their soal, their self-esteem, their will to live. They are unwittingly and inadvertently commiting suicide spiritally and physically just to get love from somewhere. Men do it with their money instead of their body. Women can unconsciously choose to get love with their money (and they do) as well but women aren't conditioned to acquire affection that way. Some people (no matter the gender) equate sex with love. Sad but true. My point is- As soon as you tell someone you have herpes and they contain any socially-acquired judgement about it. Walk away. I don't even feel you should even have to defend yourself by saying you were raped or were a virgin or was promiscuous but suddenly found God when you got the herpes. It just doesn't matter how you got. The are no special cases here. If you think they need a reality check when their judgment slips in and you feel you need to change their mind. Trying to teach someone to not be judgemental is like trying to switch someone to a lowfat healthy diet. That urge to judge or eat bad things will come back unless they've had a sufficient growth or improvement to combat such a deeply emotionally and socially engrained habit. I would rather them not choose to be in a relationship with me as a preference rather than a judgement. The preference does exist. For example, I choose not to be in a relationship with someone who has a drug problem because I know that is a trigger for me. It's not a judgemental preference because my best of best friends that I love have had those kinds of problems. I lost the very first two people I ever loved to their alcohol addictions that they acquired by luck. They, by luck, didn't get the love and human connection they so desperately needed to "feel." There was so much pain given to them (instead of love) that they gave up the true search. Pain may or can be that closed door to ever finding love. Effort is required to open that door. But for me to be in a romantic relationship with someone who has an addiction is something that will take me an extraordinary amount of spiritual and psychological growth that I will someday have. I hope I get that chance to grow out of that fear of loss and improve that much. Too be that better person. Like of how loving, supportive and spiritally evolved Betty Ford's husband must have been all those years. Really, think now. That person that you're about to tell that you have herpes to- Do they really have that amount human intelligence, respect and regard. Do you see those qualities? Herpes is a gift in disguise. It's a bullshit sifter. It's like telling someone your poor when you really are rich (and I mean that symbolically at this point) and you surprisingly find out they are capable of love without your money or your good looks. Wow. That is a rare person indeed. They don't need you for anything and they love you. Wow. That's the only kind of love I want and am entitled to. Everyone is- and should expect nothing less. Last but not least- Here's some help that I've acquired so far in coming to terms with love lost and rejection. If you don't want to feel what you really do feel, see what you really do see- Suffer more.
There are a ton of guys that don't mind and herpes dating sites as well. Just don't have sex when you feel the outbreak coming on, during or until after you've completely healed. It won't ruin your sex life, just decrease it when you're having an outbreak. Contrary to current feelings your life is far from over :).
Im so upset I had sex for the first time as an 18 year old and now I have herpes I feel like I am being punished for enjoying myself and now I feel like I will never be able to have sex again
ive been seeing someone for about 2 months now. i had "the talk" with him about 3 weeks ago. ever since then everything changed. we still hang out he just doesnt want to be physical with me until he knows he going to be with me for a really long time. Im tryign to be patient and wait until he feels comfortable again but its driving me crazy. its all i think about. any advice on how to be normal about this? or how to deal?
I have been talking with someone online for about 2 months. We decided to meet in a town between our two cities. We got there and she was totally into me sexually and wanted it now. So, we get to that part and she stops and decides to tell me then.
I didn't freak out but I didn't have sex either. We got condoms and came back later and had sex. But, all the while it has quietly been freaking me out.
I love everything about her otherwise. I am going to see her this weekend for a few days. I am unsure at this point how to deal with this as I am older and have never had to.
I am wondering if it would have been better had she told me long before we even met the first time...and shouldn't I be concerned that she didn't tell me before we met the first time.
A part of me feels guilty that I may end the relationship just because of it. But, then again it is my life.
The best thing to do is always tell in the beginning before having sex. Because, you will never have a guilty conscious. Also, you'll always have a better love and respect for yourself by being honest.
I just went through what you're about to go through. I had a great relationship believe it or not. I also had unprotected sex at first not telling the person that I had herpes in the beginning. But, I did tell the truth about having genital herpes. He could not accept it, and it really freaked him out, and he dumped me. My advice is always tell in the beginning before sex, no matter what the outcome may be. In the long run the truth will set you free, rather than lying kills the spirit inside and outside of you. I've made this mistake not too long ago, maybe it will go better for you rather than how it did for me. In the long run for me though I thought he was a great guy, I asked if I would have been honest in the beginning about my herpes, he said, that he would not have dated me. So, that tells me that he wasn't the one for me. Let me know how things turn out. I commend you for wnting to be honest, it's the right thing to do.
There are some web sites out there that give good tips on how to tell someone you have herpes, so I suggest doing an Internet search. I have had herpes for 12 years. In that time, I have had to tell 5 men -- one was my ex-husband. Only one of those men broke up with me because of the herpes. This just happened a couple of weeks ago, so I'm still reeling from it. But, I just keep telling myself that if he was worthy of me, he would've accepted it. Hang in there.
Well I don't get a rash I get one small sore/blister that always reproduces in the same place. At first I do remember mine kinda did open in the middle and I thought It was a pimple until it got really aggravating. I have not had one in a while and have only had about 4 or 5 and haven't had one in a year so I don't remember anymore details about it. Hoped that helped.
I'm gonna be a little gender
I'm gonna be a little gender biased in my opinion and advice here.
When a man eventually has to tell a woman about a negative sexual information she listens to it, takes it in, simplyfies the info with pro and cons. This happens almost instantly for some women. However, infatuation is a tricky thing for some men and women in their relations with each other. While in the ambivalence phase, the herpes free person can think 'well, I'll have sex with this person with a condom or on the non-contagious period until I figure out whether or not I have a problem with it. Not right. Since, I'm the female and having herpes - I want to know if that person has what it takes to understand it all. First of all, for the majority of human beings in our civilization, the non-herpes person lives without herpes by sheer luck. They weren't chosen by god; they didn't contract it because somehow they are special or have better character or morals. But substitute many others conditions (i.e. level of wealth) and still that person usually has an entitlement over their stroke of luck. I, myself, am only proud of the things that I've earned with sweat. I've always been better and ordinary looking in terms of appearance. However, that too is something I was born with. I did nothing special to earn that so I cannot take pride in it. Most people have a special sense of entitlement over luck. Which makes them judge others for having herpes. Gee, they must've done something to deserve that; or they're stupid for catching it. Or much much worse.."she must've been a whore when she acquired." And let me tell you there are a million things wrong with that assumption." And if a women is actually indeed a whore what does that mean? What does that truly mean? Whether a whore professionally or psychologically that in itself is luck too. Peple have the most god awful ideas about why women sleep around. It isn't because they want to. At some point they lost their identity, their soal, their self-esteem, their will to live. They are unwittingly and inadvertently commiting suicide spiritally and physically just to get love from somewhere. Men do it with their money instead of their body. Women can unconsciously choose to get love with their money (and they do) as well but women aren't conditioned to acquire affection that way. Some people (no matter the gender) equate sex with love. Sad but true. My point is- As soon as you tell someone you have herpes and they contain any socially-acquired judgement about it. Walk away. I don't even feel you should even have to defend yourself by saying you were raped or were a virgin or was promiscuous but suddenly found God when you got the herpes. It just doesn't matter how you got. The are no special cases here. If you think they need a reality check when their judgment slips in and you feel you need to change their mind. Trying to teach someone to not be judgemental is like trying to switch someone to a lowfat healthy diet. That urge to judge or eat bad things will come back unless they've had a sufficient growth or improvement to combat such a deeply emotionally and socially engrained habit. I would rather them not choose to be in a relationship with me as a preference rather than a judgement. The preference does exist. For example, I choose not to be in a relationship with someone who has a drug problem because I know that is a trigger for me. It's not a judgemental preference because my best of best friends that I love have had those kinds of problems. I lost the very first two people I ever loved to their alcohol addictions that they acquired by luck. They, by luck, didn't get the love and human connection they so desperately needed to "feel." There was so much pain given to them (instead of love) that they gave up the true search. Pain may or can be that closed door to ever finding love. Effort is required to open that door. But for me to be in a romantic relationship with someone who has an addiction is something that will take me an extraordinary amount of spiritual and psychological growth that I will someday have. I hope I get that chance to grow out of that fear of loss and improve that much. Too be that better person. Like of how loving, supportive and spiritally evolved Betty Ford's husband must have been all those years. Really, think now. That person that you're about to tell that you have herpes to- Do they really have that amount human intelligence, respect and regard. Do you see those qualities? Herpes is a gift in disguise. It's a bullshit sifter. It's like telling someone your poor when you really are rich (and I mean that symbolically at this point) and you surprisingly find out they are capable of love without your money or your good looks. Wow. That is a rare person indeed. They don't need you for anything and they love you. Wow. That's the only kind of love I want and am entitled to. Everyone is- and should expect nothing less. Last but not least- Here's some help that I've acquired so far in coming to terms with love lost and rejection. If you don't want to feel what you really do feel, see what you really do see- Suffer more.
There are a ton of guys that
There are a ton of guys that don't mind and herpes dating sites as well. Just don't have sex when you feel the outbreak coming on, during or until after you've completely healed. It won't ruin your sex life, just decrease it when you're having an outbreak. Contrary to current feelings your life is far from over :).
Im so upset I had sex for
Im so upset I had sex for the first time as an 18 year old and now I have herpes I feel like I am being punished for enjoying myself and now I feel like I will never be able to have sex again
Just be patient with him and
Just be patient with him and let him deal. He hasn't run away so he's just processing it. If you love him be patient and let him work through it.
ive been seeing someone for
ive been seeing someone for about 2 months now. i had "the talk" with him about 3 weeks ago. ever since then everything changed. we still hang out he just doesnt want to be physical with me until he knows he going to be with me for a really long time. Im tryign to be patient and wait until he feels comfortable again but its driving me crazy. its all i think about. any advice on how to be normal about this? or how to deal?
I have been talking with
I have been talking with someone online for about 2 months. We decided to meet in a town between our two cities. We got there and she was totally into me sexually and wanted it now. So, we get to that part and she stops and decides to tell me then.
I didn't freak out but I didn't have sex either. We got condoms and came back later and had sex. But, all the while it has quietly been freaking me out.
I love everything about her otherwise. I am going to see her this weekend for a few days. I am unsure at this point how to deal with this as I am older and have never had to.
I am wondering if it would have been better had she told me long before we even met the first time...and shouldn't I be concerned that she didn't tell me before we met the first time.
A part of me feels guilty that I may end the relationship just because of it. But, then again it is my life.
to really concerned
The best thing to do is always tell in the beginning before having sex. Because, you will never have a guilty conscious. Also, you'll always have a better love and respect for yourself by being honest.
This answer is for the person's comment labeled "telling"
I just went through what you're about to go through. I had a great relationship believe it or not. I also had unprotected sex at first not telling the person that I had herpes in the beginning. But, I did tell the truth about having genital herpes. He could not accept it, and it really freaked him out, and he dumped me. My advice is always tell in the beginning before sex, no matter what the outcome may be. In the long run the truth will set you free, rather than lying kills the spirit inside and outside of you. I've made this mistake not too long ago, maybe it will go better for you rather than how it did for me. In the long run for me though I thought he was a great guy, I asked if I would have been honest in the beginning about my herpes, he said, that he would not have dated me. So, that tells me that he wasn't the one for me. Let me know how things turn out. I commend you for wnting to be honest, it's the right thing to do.
Search for answers
There are some web sites out there that give good tips on how to tell someone you have herpes, so I suggest doing an Internet search. I have had herpes for 12 years. In that time, I have had to tell 5 men -- one was my ex-husband. Only one of those men broke up with me because of the herpes. This just happened a couple of weeks ago, so I'm still reeling from it. But, I just keep telling myself that if he was worthy of me, he would've accepted it. Hang in there.
Well I don't get a rash I
Well I don't get a rash I get one small sore/blister that always reproduces in the same place. At first I do remember mine kinda did open in the middle and I thought It was a pimple until it got really aggravating. I have not had one in a while and have only had about 4 or 5 and haven't had one in a year so I don't remember anymore details about it. Hoped that helped.
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